staceycapps

One of my biggest triggers for eating everything in the house is fear of not having enough money.  It’s stressing me out to keep hearing about the stock market being so volatile, banks closing up, and then the government giving money to corporations to bail them out.  I know we are living paycheck to paycheck and buying healthy food is getting harder and harder to afford.  I coupon shop, buy the reduced meats, yogurt, and whatever else I can.  I am trying to add more produce but it’s so expensive!  I guess it’s good because we won’t be having so much food around for me to graze on, but it’s very scary!  My husband worries everyday that he will be laid off. 

My solution is to just take it one day at a time.  I do hope I can get a part time job in 2009 to assist with some of the bills around here, and that is a driving force that keeps me motivated to lose weight.  Every pound I lose helps my diabetes to get more under control, and I need that to return to work.  I go for walks every night and I am seeing more homes in my neighborhood being moved out of and more foreclosures.  It just gets to me and I feel sorry for these families.  It could be us as we have no savings.  So, I am just wondering how you are all handling this and not overeating comfort foods.  I am trying to not turn to food for this, and believe me the walks really help!  Thanks for listening.

I got so comfortable with my 260 pound body I didn’t even care what I looked like.  I was wearing 4x shirts, 3x pants, some 4x pants, and I didn’t even really care.  I knew it was not good for me to be that heavy but who cared?  I was already married and I didn’t think I needed to impress anyone.  I was comfortable and that’s all that mattered. 

Well, since I have been active on Buddyslim, after a year of just sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else losing weight, I had the opportunity to start getting rid of some of those old clothes.  I can’t believe I wore some of them out of the house!!!!  They were covered in grease stains, mystery stains, and eeewwwwwwww,  what was I thinking?  I usually try to dress up better if I am going somewhere like the grocery store, out in public, etc, but why did I think I didn’t deserve to look better FOR ME???!!!!  I can’t believe how low my self esteem was.  It’s getting better but I do have a long way to go.  I still focus on what I can’t do a lot rather than what I can do. 

I have been walking everyday trying to get healthier to battle this diabetes I have and I hope to be an example for others to see that I have it and I am living with it.  I am trying to believe that I deserve to look good for me.  I have gotten so deep in that comfort rut that anything but baggy pants and baggy shirts are not appealing to me but I do look much better in the better fitting clothes.  So, this is a weightloss journey, and for me it’s about rediscovering me and learning about my attributes and stop trying to hide myself away in some old, greasy, baggy big ass shirts. 

Okay, so I gained 4 pounds overnight.  So, it’s not the end of the world.  It could be muscle, even tho i don’t look any different, or it could be water, and yes, it could be fat.  I have allowed myself to stew about this for 4 hours now and it’s time to get positive and get over it!!!!  I have still continued to walk daily and watch my diet.  So, I may lose out on one of my challenges for gaining weight, it is not a big deal!!!  I figure I can sit here and feel bad all day, wasting a beautiful day, or i can just get over it and start taking action and make it the best day I can.  I am choosing to work at making it a great day! 

Yes, I still have a long way to go, but I am on a path to get there.  The weight didn’t come on in a couple of months so it’s ridiculous to think I can lose it in a few months.  I am tired of being depressed and feeling lazy!!!  I am always talking about how i faked or pretended getting motivated in the beginning to start losing weight.  Basically, you just set a mindset and you pretend that you want to go for a walk even if you don’t.  So, you end up going for a walk.  It worked before, so today I am going to fake being motivated and enthusiastic.  I am going to fake feeling great, and by golly, I betcha I end up having a glorious day.  It usually works.  It helped me lose 28 pounds so far, so hopefully, this will help me get back to my happy self!!!