staceycapps

I projected I would have been to onederland by now.  I even projected I would be at my goal weight by now.  It just didn’t happen that way.  It’s very frustrating when you have this timeline and you think it’s going to go this way, and NO, it’s going to go another way.  No matter how hard you try, how little or how much you eat, the scale isn’t budging.  I added extra steps, added more resistance, drank more water….nothing worked.  I got deeply depressed.  So, what happens?  I gained back 8 pounds.  Sure, I work harder and stay the same but I can sure gain weight effortlessly!  I wanted to just say, “I quit!  This is as good as I can get”!  I really wanted to!  I wanted to drop out of the Wildcats because I felt like I was a horrible teammate because everyone else is losing weight and setting new mini goals.  Here I am, gaining weight.  I started feeling like a failure. 

I thought about how many people come and go here.  They start out ready to go.  They work hard, exercise, eat right until it gets hard then they bail.  I could do that too I kept telling myself.  No one will care…..but someone did.  That person was me.  I thought about why I couldn’t quit.  I am a type 2 diabetic, and to quit could mean suicide for me.  To quit could mean my heart condition would get worse.  To quit would mean my blood pressure would spike up again.  To quit would mean my cholesterol would not finally be normal anymore, it would go up again.  To quit would mean that I would lose the muscle tone I have only begun to start seeing the definition of.  To quit would mean I wouldn’t have anymore buddies.  To quit would mean I would regain all of those pounds I worked my butt off for to lose!  But the most important reason to me was I thought if I quit it would mean I would eventually have to go back on diabetic meds again, and not taking those pills had given me the most satisfaction to date.  So, still feeling like quitting, I got back up, pretended I wanted to be here, got more involved in my  forums, and did not stop exercising.  I brought my body (as they say) and my mind followed.  Before long, I was wanting to do this, wanting to exercise, wanting to get better, wanting more and feeling I deserved more.

Today, I finally made my mini goal of 210, and if I had given up last month as I wanted to, I would not have made that goal!  We all have those slow days, weeks, months, or even years.  The point of the matter is that no matter what, don’t give up!  Never ever!  You are worth it!  Believe it!